EXCLUDED

Hi everyone *IDK who the hell on earth reads my blog Hahaha* . So anyways , as usual I updated my blog whenever I feel extremely happy / sad / broke / useless . Okay basically if there is something ‘unusual’ happened on me , I tend to write it up , either on social media or diary . Recently I developed one new habit which is collecting some motivation quotes or write anything that came across my mind cause I think they’ll be useful one day when I down . I was in a ‘heart-broken’ feelings recently hahahahaha . People might not know why did I be like in a real ‘heart-broken’ while I wasn’t in an official relationship . Yeah you’re right , I wasn’t in an official relationship but the way we act (not literally holding hands or etc . I mean the way we talked and so on ) , the way I’ve been treated , they made me feel like I was into one . Only I know how does it feels . Okay la . I’m really not interested to talk about this cause everything is over . It’s over . It was mostly my fault and I couldn’t fix anything anymore . Just move on lah kan ? Memories created and there is nothing we could do to fix this relationship right ? Sooner or later you won’t matter to me . Just the matter of time .For the moment , bare with me lah , I’m in my way to get over you ! HAHAHAHA . KO INGAT SENANG KE DOH ? *uih , take a deep breath* And maybe due to that I become so superb-sensitive to everyone . Maybe PMS is just around the corner also be one of the reason why I be so so so so so so so super-duper-sensitive ! Well , today I don’t feel like I wanna write on my diary so , yeah here we go !

            Okay basically I am not a friendly person . I’m a quiet person when in real . I don’t like crowd . I hate being in a group of people . I hate party . IDK how to approach people . IDK how to join people’s conversations . IDEK how to start talking to people ! Why ? Because even though there is lots of people at all those places mentioned , I always end up with being alone , looking at everyone cheering together with their friends , chit-chatting and so on BUT ME ??????????????????? Take foods after foods , drinks after drinks , sitting at place where there’s no one there –hoping my prince would come and talk to me *lol*. Awhh . That’s why i hate going places that there is no one that I close to . That’s my major problem in life . Well tbh, I’m used to it . Don’t pity on me cause I’m happy like that . At least I could run away from ‘awkwardness’ feeling . LMAO ! Depends on situation also la . Most if the times I was like that . But there is some times I don’t want to be excluded . Especially by those whom I used to be so close , those whom I used to share my stories with . Well I do have few friends that I get attached to . But so few . Like .. I know 100 peoples but the only that I really could say they’re ‘my friend’ is just like 0.01% . Okay over gila aku . Taklah , I’m telling you that it is so few . Peoples are hardly to understand me cause I’m weird . *maybe?* . Dulu masa you ada I don’t really feel that I don’t have friend . But I didn’t keep you well even though I did said to you few times ‘Don’t leave me’ . Then right now , when you’re gone I really feel what does it means by ‘don’t have real friend’ . I do have la , but well actually they’re in group . I don’t want to mention their group’s name la cause not really matter kan . But you know , I always feel like when they don’t have enough group members , they’ll find me and asked me to go out with them  *since IDK how to say no, I just agreed when I don’t have excuse to give* or even helped them *this one I seriously don’t mind cause belum pernah bersetuju pun cause selalu ada hal lain or terlajak tidur , just to make this post longer* . But yelah , somehow I feel excluded . TBH, I feel excluded . Padahal even if I join them also, I still not talking so much . Always excluded myself . Always and always . If I think again,  why would I feel LIKE they were excluding me when actually I’m the one that excluded myself when they didn’t ask me to go out with them ? Cause I have no role also if going out with them ! It’s like “kau ada ke , takde ke , same je !” . It’s hurting most of the time but I have to admit that it’s true . That’s my classmates part la . But the same case happens when it comes to my room mates . They’re also like that ! They barely ask me to go out , chilling with them . Came back and telling me everything they did , crazy sales going on blablabla . What’s the point though ? You guys never asked me to go out also then talked to me like “rugi akak tak pergi,” .  Like what the hell man ? Then when I asked why you guys didn’t invite me ? They said cause they saw me study and assumed I don’t want to go out . Me be like .................................................. “Pergi mampus” . Wow sangat cerita korangs. Terkesima terkesima . Tak cakap pun takpe . Pppuuih . *okay this is so harsh*

Life is so sad . See , how hard to understand me Hahaha . Like wtf , at first I said IDK how to say no then when they don’t ask me to go out I be like so bengang and then feel excluded . SEKARANG KAU NAK APA SETAN ? hahahahaha . sabar readers sabar . sabar je dengan perangai aku ni . Hahaha . aku pun tak faham aku ni macam mana . Kau apetah lagi en . That’s why la I be like so damn ‘meroyan’ when you leaved. Why don’t you understand me some times ? I wish you read this , but as you always said , “You wish” . OMG . BILA AKU NAK MOVE ON NI SETANN , DIA DAH MOVE ON , DAH ADA LIFE BARU , KAU SAMPAI BILE NAK DUDUK DALAM SPENDER LAMA TU . Dah la cakap pasal dia ! Kata not interested haiyyoo . Sorry , I couldn’t totally stop myself from doing it bhahahaha . Sorry ley . *Tiup tudung* . Okay peoples . Hidup Sepia ni tak pernah nak gembira lama-lama sangat , banyak yang sedih je happens to me . IDK why . Some times I do feel tired with life that I have . But , they said stay strong because of Allah . I honestly sometimes IDK how . I need someone to cheer me up again . I need someone . Someone that follows my flow . Someone that motivates me in the way I can accept . For example : When I feel sad .  They’ll / She / He will say “It’s okay to be sad . It’s okay to cry to release what you feel deep inside . It’s okay to be down some times . Take your time blablablabla” . I mean something like that , not condemning me for being so weak . Someone that always be the first person that I see when I’m in trouble , someone that always make funny jokes when talking to me , someone that always looking at me no matter when I smile or cry , someone that reminds me of god , not dragging me to the wrong path , someone that is so perfect in my eyes *what am i talking about? My future husband-characteristics or friend?????? That’s so damn freaking intense guys* . Bhahahahahaha . Someone that hug me when I feel so low , someone that I can be crazy with , someone that I can hold their arms when I go out *yeah, I’m a clingy person* , someone that joins me singing even though wrong lyrics or even create our own lyrics . Awwhh . What a nice friendship is that ! Okay wait . Is that even exist though those kind of person ?? *Singing Taylor Swift’s song* I’m not a princess , I’m not the one you’ll sweep off her feet , lead her up the stairwell , this ain’t a Hollywood , this is a small town ,I was a dreamer before you went and let me down . Awhh . The lyrics doesn’t seems suit with what I’m talking about . Who cares anyways ?

Hm . Until here la my bebelan mak nak ye . Ni bila rumate nak keluar tandas ni . Nak ambil ablution then nak perform solat . Come out cepat laa . Satgi terlepas pulak solat saya ni haa . Bye J Sekian sahaja luahan hati people yang always feel excluded penangan diri sendiri yang tak pandai nak bersosial J Well , I’m a romantic person SO WHAT ? MARRY ME FASTER IF WANTS ME TO GIVE YOU SWEET STUFFS FROM YOU START OPEN YOUR EYES UNTIL YOU CLOSE BACK YOUR EYES . *ada brann ?* . eh dah lah tanak merepek lah bye bye HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA .