Hi
everyone *IDK who the hell on earth reads my blog Hahaha* . So anyways , as
usual I updated my blog whenever I feel extremely happy / sad / broke / useless
. Okay basically if there is something ‘unusual’ happened on me , I tend to
write it up , either on social media or diary . Recently I developed one new
habit which is collecting some motivation quotes or write anything that came
across my mind cause I think they’ll be useful one day when I down . I was in a
‘heart-broken’ feelings recently hahahahaha . People might not know why did I
be like in a real ‘heart-broken’ while I wasn’t in an official relationship .
Yeah you’re right , I wasn’t in an official relationship but the way we act
(not literally holding hands or etc . I mean the way we talked and so on ) ,
the way I’ve been treated , they made me feel like I was into one . Only I know
how does it feels . Okay la . I’m really not interested to talk about this
cause everything is over . It’s over . It was mostly my fault and I couldn’t
fix anything anymore . Just move on lah kan ? Memories created and there is
nothing we could do to fix this relationship right ? Sooner or later you won’t
matter to me . Just the matter of time .For the moment , bare with me lah , I’m
in my way to get over you ! HAHAHAHA . KO INGAT SENANG KE DOH ? *uih , take a
deep breath* And maybe due to that I become so superb-sensitive to everyone .
Maybe PMS is just around the corner also be one of the reason why I be so so so
so so so so super-duper-sensitive ! Well , today I don’t feel like I wanna
write on my diary so , yeah here we go !
Okay basically I am not a friendly
person . I’m a quiet person when in real . I don’t like crowd . I hate being in
a group of people . I hate party . IDK how to approach people . IDK how to join
people’s conversations . IDEK how to start talking to people ! Why ? Because
even though there is lots of people at all those places mentioned , I always
end up with being alone , looking at everyone cheering together with their
friends , chit-chatting and so on BUT ME ??????????????????? Take foods after
foods , drinks after drinks , sitting at place where there’s no one there
–hoping my prince would come and talk to me *lol*. Awhh . That’s why i hate
going places that there is no one that I close to . That’s my major problem in
life . Well tbh, I’m used to it . Don’t pity on me cause I’m happy like that .
At least I could run away from ‘awkwardness’ feeling . LMAO ! Depends on
situation also la . Most if the times I was like that . But there is some times
I don’t want to be excluded . Especially by those whom I used to be so close ,
those whom I used to share my stories with . Well I do have few friends that I
get attached to . But so few . Like .. I know 100 peoples but the only that I
really could say they’re ‘my friend’ is just like 0.01% . Okay over gila aku .
Taklah , I’m telling you that it is so few . Peoples are hardly to understand
me cause I’m weird . *maybe?* . Dulu masa you ada I don’t really feel that I
don’t have friend . But I didn’t keep you well even though I did said to you
few times ‘Don’t leave me’ . Then right now , when you’re gone I really feel
what does it means by ‘don’t have real friend’ . I do have la , but well
actually they’re in group . I don’t want to mention their group’s name la cause
not really matter kan . But you know , I always feel like when they don’t have
enough group members , they’ll find me and asked me to go out with them *since IDK how to say no, I just agreed when
I don’t have excuse to give* or even helped them *this one I seriously don’t
mind cause belum pernah bersetuju pun cause selalu ada hal lain or terlajak
tidur , just to make this post longer* . But yelah , somehow I feel excluded .
TBH, I feel excluded . Padahal even if I join them also, I still not talking so
much . Always excluded myself . Always and always . If I think again, why would I feel LIKE they were excluding me
when actually I’m the one that excluded myself when they didn’t ask me to go
out with them ? Cause I have no role also if going out with them ! It’s like
“kau ada ke , takde ke , same je !” . It’s hurting most of the time but I have
to admit that it’s true . That’s my classmates part la . But the same case
happens when it comes to my room mates . They’re also like that ! They barely
ask me to go out , chilling with them . Came back and telling me everything
they did , crazy sales going on blablabla . What’s the point though ? You guys
never asked me to go out also then talked to me like “rugi akak tak pergi,”
. Like what the hell man ? Then when I
asked why you guys didn’t invite me ? They said cause they saw me study and
assumed I don’t want to go out . Me be like
.................................................. “Pergi mampus” . Wow sangat
cerita korangs. Terkesima terkesima . Tak cakap pun takpe . Pppuuih . *okay
this is so harsh*
Life is so sad . See , how hard
to understand me Hahaha . Like wtf , at first I said IDK how to say no then
when they don’t ask me to go out I be like so bengang and then feel excluded .
SEKARANG KAU NAK APA SETAN ? hahahahaha . sabar readers sabar . sabar je dengan
perangai aku ni . Hahaha . aku pun tak faham aku ni macam mana . Kau apetah
lagi en . That’s why la I be like so damn ‘meroyan’ when you leaved. Why don’t
you understand me some times ? I wish you read this , but as you always said ,
“You wish” . OMG . BILA AKU NAK MOVE ON NI SETANN , DIA DAH MOVE ON , DAH ADA
LIFE BARU , KAU SAMPAI BILE NAK DUDUK DALAM SPENDER LAMA TU . Dah la cakap
pasal dia ! Kata not interested haiyyoo . Sorry , I couldn’t totally stop
myself from doing it bhahahaha . Sorry ley . *Tiup tudung* . Okay peoples .
Hidup Sepia ni tak pernah nak gembira lama-lama sangat , banyak yang sedih je
happens to me . IDK why . Some times I do feel tired with life that I have .
But , they said stay strong because of Allah . I honestly sometimes IDK how . I
need someone to cheer me up again . I need someone . Someone that follows my
flow . Someone that motivates me in the way I can accept . For example : When I
feel sad . They’ll / She / He will say
“It’s okay to be sad . It’s okay to cry to release what you feel deep inside .
It’s okay to be down some times . Take your time blablablabla” . I mean
something like that , not condemning me for being so weak . Someone that always
be the first person that I see when I’m in trouble , someone that always make
funny jokes when talking to me , someone that always looking at me no matter
when I smile or cry , someone that reminds me of god , not dragging me to the
wrong path , someone that is so perfect in my eyes *what am i talking about? My
future husband-characteristics or friend?????? That’s so damn freaking intense
guys* . Bhahahahahaha . Someone that hug me when I feel so low , someone that I
can be crazy with , someone that I can hold their arms when I go out *yeah, I’m
a clingy person* , someone that joins me singing even though wrong lyrics or
even create our own lyrics . Awwhh . What a nice friendship is that ! Okay wait
. Is that even exist though those kind of person ?? *Singing Taylor Swift’s
song* I’m not a princess , I’m not the one you’ll sweep off her feet , lead her
up the stairwell , this ain’t a Hollywood , this is a small town ,I was a
dreamer before you went and let me down . Awhh . The lyrics doesn’t seems suit
with what I’m talking about . Who cares anyways ?
Hm . Until here la my bebelan mak
nak ye . Ni bila rumate nak keluar tandas ni . Nak ambil ablution then nak
perform solat . Come out cepat laa . Satgi terlepas pulak solat saya ni haa .
Bye J Sekian
sahaja luahan hati people yang always feel excluded penangan diri sendiri yang
tak pandai nak bersosial J Well ,
I’m a romantic person SO WHAT ? MARRY ME FASTER IF WANTS ME TO GIVE YOU SWEET
STUFFS FROM YOU START OPEN YOUR EYES UNTIL YOU CLOSE BACK YOUR EYES . *ada
brann ?* . eh dah lah tanak merepek lah bye bye
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA .