I don't really know what I want in my life . Is it I actually only catch the dunya or I catch the dunya for akhirah or both . As I growing up , I start to realise that ACTUALLY I don't have enough time with my own family INDEED . I put them behind . When a problem comes to me , I will find them BUT if nothing bad happened , I just ignore them . I am a student of a boarding school in Terengganu and of course rarely back home during school holidays as my home is quit far from my school . Well . It might be u think that , 'come on, it's only 2 years there,' but did u know that I miss to see my little brother growing up infront of my eyes ? As i came back home , he was already manage to sit , to stand up , to talk and running and walking and ALL !! And as i came back , my house has changed ! Now , i'll be going to further my studies abroad which means I will left them for 7 years and probably rarely go home . Might be it is once a year or one in 2 years DEFINITELY ! So , what is the SATISFACTION in my life ?
I keep study and study and study and honestly that studying abroad is my dream . Be an obstetrician is my ambition . YES , MY DREAM . But , for how many years do I need to left my own family JUST for it ? Lets see if I really be an obstetrician . When u be a doctor means you don't have enough time for your family . Well let me explain for this . According to what I knew , a doctor is always need to get ready for the on-call task , which means u have to get ready to go for work for any emergencies case even it is your bed time ! And it might be disturb your holidays . This is what my senior told me . WELL . I don't know .
I keep thinking of all these . What I try to catch in my life actually . Is it for a happiness or it is something to makes people proud of me or what . See . After I finished my SPM , I went to the PLKN for 3 months and there was only one time I went back home . AHHH what happened to my english . Just ignored at least I am trying . and then , few days after i got the SPM's result , i worked for a month just for fun and seeked for a new experience . I started my work at 9.00 a.m and went back home at 10.00 p.m . And for sure I don't have enough time for my family . After a month working , i got an offer to further my studies abroad . And i will depart may be on 5th of July ! Oh man ! I really don't have time to learn anything for instance cooking , play with my little brother , to help my mother and so on ! What a kind of daughter i am ??? Useless . Yes I am useless for my family ... Ya Allah ... I don't know what to think and I always crying whenever I think of all these . Allah help me :'(
- A HOMESICK DAUGHTER -
